Today as I sipped my Darjeeling tea at my work desk and browsed through my daily news sources (Cnn & Washington Post are a must!) I was surprised to find an article in the WP on dating, amidst all the articles on our failing economy. Matchmakers, Matchmakers, Making a Mint was intriguing enough for me to ignore the politics page for a few moments as I delved into an article about online dating for singles in our nation.
While I am familiar with online dating sites, I was surprised to learn that there were people one could hire to edit or write their personal profile, coach them on dating techniques, and act as a wing man (yes, a wing man!). I started to become flustered as I read this article. I've used some form of online dating for the past year and I haven't had any help from so called professionals. In the article, an owner of one such company states that there are many great women and men [single] in DC who just don't know how to market themselves. Really? Do you honestly think that the reason why I am single is because I don't know how to...market myself? And do I really want to go on a date with someone who wasn't original enough to create their own profile and had profession help? I feel cheated enough when going on dates with people I've met online- I don't want to find out that someone coaxed them on what to say and how to act. I'm not going out with you to see the persona your dating guru mustered up for you- I want to go out on a date with you, the REAL you.
My online dating profile is unique and interesting and I get a lot of responses. Most men write to me because we have something in common, a large majority write to me to compliment my pictures (usually my smile or to remark on the comical pic of me inside of a trash can), and a smaller percentage don't even take the time to write out a well thought message but instead simply say "hi", "you're gorgeous" or some form of slang or pet name like "shorty, baby, hottie, etc". A tip for those on these sites: I do not take the time to respond to someone who doesn't take the time to write an actual message to me upon first contact. I don't care if you look like a Greek god- a simple "hey" is not going to catch my attention. Delete. For those of you who think it's cute to call a lady some sort of pet name or use slang like "damn shorty, you're fine" while giving out your phone number, I've got news for you- I'm not interested in being your princess or calling you at whatever number you provide. You obviously have no respect for me. Give your number to someone who cares.
I will respond to messages that are well thought, grammatically correct, and show that the sender took the time to read my profile and is responding directly to it. If they mention something we have in common or recommend a book I might like, I realize that they took the time to read my profile- I appreciate that and I will return the favor. Chances are I'll find their profile interesting as well. In a profile I look for commonalities, maturity, interesting qualities and academic interests. I don't necessarily want to date someone who has a lot of things in common with me but I have recently discovered that a love of reading and writing is a highly desirable quality that I want in someone I date. As you start to date more and more people you'll also realize what qualities are more desiring and which are unattractive.
We all differ in what we are looking for in a date and a potential life partner. I feel that dating sites have too many people that are looking for intimate encounters or random play, or are rebounding from a recent breakup. These people are what is wrong with free dating sites such as OkCupid and Plentyoffish. Perhaps they should create a more stringent screening process- or create another site simply for those who are interested in hanging out or hooking up. It amazes me that dating sites have various options of what type of relationship you want including friends, hang out, intimate encounters, and options for married and attached individuals. Seriously, take these people off of these sites. Create a site where only those interested in dating can join. It will weed out all of those who are not serious about a long term relationship. I realize there are sites like this now, such as Eharmony and match.com, but those sites are not free. Someone needs to create a free site dedicated to dating, and only dating- or else I'm going to beat them to the punch!
1 comment:
Should I feel embarrassed that I was just coached on my dating techniques by you? ;-)
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